FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
KGBTexas' new technology will revolutionize predictive marketing.
SAN ANTONIO, April 1, 2010 – KGBTexas Public Relations / Advertising, a regional leader in digital advertising has developed a revolutionary new platform that will take banner ads and pop-up advertising to the next level.
Creative Director Stan McElrath and his team have developed a new predictive algorithm coupled with an embedded retinal scan that will allow companies to know what their customers are looking for before the customers even visualize it. The proprietary platform is called Stan’s Incredible New Neurological Interpretive Coefficient® or SINNIC®.
“It came to me while I was taking a smoke break,” McElrath said. “I mean, these cigarettes are probably killing me, but I have to have them. I figured there is some way to digitize the desire and addictive qualities of cigarettes and be able to break it down into code that can be attached to the cerebral cortex via a retinal scan.”
The ads look no different than the normal banner and pop-up ads that you see each day while surfing the Web. Yet ads designed by KGBTexas have extra lines of code that send out a biometric pulse through the retina, reshaping a part of the cerebral cortex that helps to drive desire and increase predictive behaviors in the viewers.
“We have amassed a ginormous legal defense fund should anyone challenge the legality of this new product as invasive,” said KGBTexas founder and CEO Katie Harvey. “But companies are just opening up the coffers to get these new ads. It helps that Stan was able to do in-house demonstrations for each new customer which allowed us to embed some spending patterns of our own.”
The agency’s public relations team has already found a way to offset any negative press that may come from this new product. As a side-effect, viewers of the ads no longer suffer from coughs due to colds.
ABOUT KGBTEXAS PUBLIC RELATIONS AND ADVERTISING
KGBTexas (www.kgbtexas.com) is an award-winning full-service public relations and advertising agency and was named the largest public relations agency in San Antonio for the 6th consecutive year by the San Antonio Business Journal. The firm offers a full range of marketing services including public relations, advertising, new/social media, digital marketing, snark, office pools and championship caliber horsewomanship. Katie Gardner Harvey founded the firm in 1994 and it has grown into a multi-million dollar company with more than 40 national and regional clients in fields ranging from banking and public affairs to health care, food service, retail merchandising and tomfoolery. Follow KGBTexas on Twitter (http://twitter.com/kgbtexas) and Facebook, or for more information, visit KGBTexas’ web site at www.kgbtexas.com.
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That’s one of the Best April Fools I’ve seen!